In December 2017, I started to hear a pecking sound at the backdoor every morning. It was so annoying. I’d be sitting on the couch enjoying my coffee when I would hear this noise over and over again. Come to find out, it was a cardinal that lived in the tree right outside of my kitchen window. Apparently they like their reflections. I tried several ways over the next couple of weeks to try and get the bird to stop and I finally told Tim, “you’ve got to get rid of this bird!”. It was driving me crazy and I promise that I’m not exaggerating when I say it happened EVERY morning. You may even remember a few of my instagram stories about it.
At the same time, I was reading the book Christmas at Carnton, and I was stopped in my tracks when I read the quote, “when you see a red bird in winter, your sorrows will be lifted by spring.” -unknown
Why did this quote get to me? Because, besides the obvious bird problem at home, I should also mention that sorrow was exactly what I had been feeling. We’d had our second ectopic (and 3rd unsuccessful pregnancy) that summer, I was in a wintertime funk and honestly, feeling pretty hopeless.
I’ll admit that my faith wasn’t strong - I was feeling pretty abandoned and alone and not really seeking the peace and comfort that I knew only God could provide. But the moment that I realized the Lord was literally knocking on my door to remind me that He was with me, I couldn’t stop feeling Him everywhere. That same week, a friend from work bought me a cute little soap shaped like a cardinal. In the weeks following, red birds would fly right in front of my car as I drove down the road. The red bird at my back door continued to knock on the window. Every day.
At the time, I didn’t know what the spring would hold but I was so hopeful. I didn’t know how my sorrows would be lifted. Would we be in the process of adoption? Would we start IVF? Would God just stop my heart from aching?
Well, we know how this story ends. At the end of February, I took a pregnancy test. It was positive. I held my breath for days because I had been there before and positive tests ended in heartbreak every time. On February 26th, I learned that this time it was really happening and November 1st, June Belle Gillean came into the world.